10. Pretended I liked Cro-Mags
9. Was told by a minor celebrity that they fancied my date. Later in the evening told my date that the reason minor celebrity was staring at him was because she thought he was noisy and obnoxious.
8. Pretended I wasn’t scared of fish, until I broke down and cried next to a pond.
7. Developed a really bad Lancashire accent*
6. Told him the reason I’d eaten an entire box of Jumbo size popcorn alone was because I hadn’t had dinner. The real reason was because popcorn is delicious.
5. Got a loan, then spent 75% of it on a new dress.
4. Demanded to borrow a book I had no interest in just so I could return it to them at some point.
3. Carried a copy of Baudelaire’s Les Fleurs du Mal (in French) in my bag for a year and pretended to read it on the bus in the hope that someone would see me and be terribly impressed.
2. Pretended I wasn’t bothered by the fact that he had another girlfriend in America.
1. Cut my hair like his ex-girlfriend’s. Thankfully it was very flattering.
Picture of my 2nd favourite model ever ever Lindsey Wixson by unknown!
*I was fourteen, it was summer camp. Let’s not talk about it anymore.
7 Comments
I went to a Greek play. A THREE HOUR GREEK PLAY VANESSA. IN GREEK. ALL OF IT. NOT A GOOD GREEK PLAY. IT WAS IN A CIRCUS APPARENTLY. NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT WENT ON.
Yeah, also spent lots of time talking about dolls.
I once went to a talk about the overfishing of cod that lasted two hours plus a Q&A to impress someone I had a crush on. We slept together once and he dumped me, yet I still feel guilty if I eat a fishfinger…
I wish I could mega super Facebook like this!
Cro-Mags RULE.
Number 6 is basically my daily life.
Now when people are impressed by my ability to shovel food away I tell them “Yes, it’s excellent isn’t it? I bloody love food.” and if they can’t hack it then they can fuck off.
Me too…I appalled someone recently by having KRAVE (a cereal which looks like every aspect of it was designed by an eight year old boy) for dinner. A week later, I confessed to having a Terry’s Chocolate Orange for dinner. I should start pretending to be functional, at least.