YOU AREN’T FUCKING TRYING.

I probably should have saved this bombshell for later but seriously, seriously? You want to know why you don’t have one? Think about it. When was the last time you talked to an attractive man? When was the last time you logged into OkCupid? Have you ever given your number to a guy in a coffee shop? Told a friend you thought their friend’s friend could be your boyfriend? Are you out there in the world looking? Or are you at home, logging into twitter, talking about how you’ll be #ForeverAlone?

Look around you girl! The world is full of beautiful people just out there for the picking, and yes it is scary, yes it is stressful, but you want it as much as your Facebook updates suggest you do then you are going to have to work for it. Any man who finds you at home in your knickers plaiting your fringe and singing All By Myself is a rapist (how did he get in your flat uninvited?) And we don’t date rapists.

This isn’t to say you should be doing all the things above, at once, that’s insane. What are you? A Sex and the City character? But you have to put yourself out there to be found. Men are not waiting, in a patient line outside your front door, or by the edge of your desk. They are aware that you don’t have a boyfriend, but are they aware that you want one, or even that you might want them personally? Show a little interest, start a conversation, get knocked back, have a cry, watch Blade Runner weeping on loop for five hours, then go out, find someone else awesome, and do this all again, until it works out, because when it does, it’s worth it.

If you don’t, it is almost certain that you won’t find someone. Love is not like a film: you will not be so instantaneously alluring that you are chased through a city by a dashing hunk who begs to take you for dinner, based on a glimpse of your fringe alone. It is scary, it is hard, it is fucking demoralising when a guy you thought would be fun for a night or two tells you he’s too good for you, but it’s life. There is unfortunately no other choice than to just deal with it.

Now, before you flex your fingers and start to write out a tirade worthy of a YouTube commenter, there are other reasons. Of course there are other reasons! Why am I single when I do all that stuff? I don’t know! Sometimes, it’s just not your time. Sometimes you look amazing, smell delicious, your jokes are just hit after hit after hit, your clothes are fitting and flaring, and that guy just isn’t it it. No-one’s into it. Believe me, I know your pain. There is nothing worse than feeling like you’re at your prime and you can’t give this shit away.

But this post isn’t for us. It’s for the women who clog up dinner talk with how lonely they’ll be, how men are just so useless!!, and how they haven’t had a date, for like years, seriously ladies! So please, before you subject everyone to another ten point list about why it’s like totally depressing that you have to sit alone, with your cats, and like just watch TV all day, think twice: firstly, you don’t; secondly, no-one gives a shit because we know you. We know you.

 

Photo by Joseph Jasgur and illustration by Riikka Sormunen