10. Pretended I liked Cro-Mags 9. Was told by a minor celebrity that they fancied my date. Later in the evening told my date that the reason minor celebrity was staring at him was because she thought he was noisy and obnoxious. 8. Pretended I wasn’t scared of fish, until I broke down and cried [...]
Author Archives: vanessa
Ten Stupid Things I’ve Done To Try And Get Someone To Go Out With Me
Posted in Not So Sexy Times 8 Comments
Solar Powered Hijinks
Those of you who’ve used vibrators will be aware that there is what I term a ‘burn your clit off’ setting on each one. Most of the time this is a last resort option, an “I’ve been going at this for over half an hour” option, or the “I’m on drugs and need to kick [...]
Posted in Review 3 Comments
Take A Hint: Bitches Leave
A friend of mine is a nice guy, in fact I’d say he’s one of the most caring, thoughtful people I know. Spending time with him is always one the highlights of my week since he is as hilarious as he is lovely. When it comes to romance though, he’s a dick. For the last [...]
Posted in Questions 3 Comments
I Would Die 4 U or How To Send a Message On A Dating Site
You look intelligent but your writing is pretty dumb. Your second photo doesn’t look too bad. Are your lips real? You look utterly fuckable. Want to swap dirty pics? Are you down to fuck? No, these aren’t the ramblings of a madman, or a drunk guy at 3am, but some the messages I have received since reactivating my dating profile [...]
Posted in Online Dating 9 Comments
How To Ruin Your Favourite Buzzband
A few summers ago I got super into that drone thing. I bought a tie-dye dress, spent most of my time listening to Pocahaunted, and got stoned way way too often. Sadly, no-one I knew really got into the whole drone thing. I tried, I really tried! But no matter how many times I played [...]
Posted in Uncategorized 3 Comments
It’s Like My Heart Is Getting Hard
Only a few weeks ago I was talking about how awesome it is to date a handful of people at once. I extolled the virtues of flitting from one tangle to another, and now here I am, about to tell you all that, well, I’m not dating anyone. I’m not fucking anyone. I haven’t even [...]
Posted in Relationships 4 Comments
Adventures in Contraception
As a teenager I had bad skin. Not just bad, but “What the hell is up with that girl, is she ill?” bad. I tried everything from drinking 3l of water a day, through smearing perfume on my face, to Chinese herbal medicine. Nothing seemed to work and being a vain teenager I was becoming [...]
Posted in Advice 5 Comments
Feminism, Sex, Abortion, and Twilight’s Breaking Dawn
This blog post gives away major plot points from both the Breaking Dawn film and book, do not read on if that bothers you! Last night I went to see Breaking Dawn, the penultimate instalment in the Twilight saga. While I’m sure you would love me to bore the crap out of you with a detailed breakdown [...]
Posted in Off Topic 6 Comments
Happy Birthday To Me!
It is traditional to make New Years Resolutions around January, what with it being a ‘new year’ and what not, I’ve decided that today, my birthday, is my personal New Year’s Day. The last year has been such a hurly burly rush of ups and downs, new friends, and work work work, that it feels [...]
Posted in Off Topic 2 Comments
I’m Shopping For Blood
Some of you may have noticed I am prone to hyperbole. When I said that someone fingerbanged me for seven hours, it may have been only three. Equally I do not really think E. Jean Carroll is a lush. So when I said that I saw someone ‘wearing a checked 3 piece vintage suit, and [...]
Posted in Fantasy, Meeting People, Relationships 9 Comments
