Category Archives: Not So Sexy Times

10. Pretended I liked Cro-Mags 9. Was told by a minor celebrity that they fancied my date. Later in the evening told my date that the reason minor celebrity was staring at him was because she thought he was noisy and obnoxious. 8. Pretended I wasn’t scared of fish, until I broke down and cried [...]

Every time I think about ‘what I want’ from a relationship I get confused. I think about how I’m hungry. Or how I’d quite like a puppy. Or about maybe we might have bedbugs again even though I don’t think we do but what if we do? Because that’s what I’m good at: avoiding situations [...]

Let me set the scene: I am in a supermarket in Guadalajara, it is only my 6th day in Mexico, and I am staring at the cereal aisle in awe. What are all of these things? I reached out and touched one like a child in a dream. “Hello.” A man is standing at my [...]

Have you ever had a migraine? It’s like a headache, but a headache so bad it wakes you up in the middle of the night and leaves you lying on the pillow trying to turn your head slowly over without crying. It’s like a headache in that it’s in your head but a headache doesn’t [...]

  “You’ve got the craziest tits I’ve ever seen.” I am lying, naked, on my back, looking up at him. It takes a while to form the words. “What did you say?” We both look at my breasts. “You have got the craziest tits I’ve ever seen.” Earlier, in the bar, as we kissed, arms [...]

Sometimes an object is not just an object. It is a memory, a feeling, a reminder, an albatross round your neck. And that object just stares at you, day in day out, from a mantlepiece, mocking you. It could be anything. Once, for me, it was a 3ft high Winnie The Pooh teddybear, which now [...]

Me aged (in clockwise order): 6, 18, 9, 12 Growing up I was a huge nerd. I had glasses, gappy as fuck teeth, a unibrow, and horrible frizzy hair. My family were vegetarian, foreign, leftie, and compared to all the normal Jewish/Hindu kids I grew up with, totally fucking weird. We went on crazy holidays [...]