Me aged (in clockwise order): 6, 18, 9, 12 Growing up I was a huge nerd. I had glasses, gappy as fuck teeth, a unibrow, and horrible frizzy hair. My family were vegetarian, foreign, leftie, and compared to all the normal Jewish/Hindu kids I grew up with, totally fucking weird. We went on crazy holidays [...]
Category Archives: Not So Sexy Times
Where Did It All Go Wrong?
For some reason each time I write the opening sentence of this post I make it all coy, and witter on about how using dating sites is acceptable, and how no-one’s ashamed of it anymore, but I think a teeny tiny part of me is. This shame is patently ridiculous because I write about vaginas [...]
Also posted in Online Dating 7 Comments
And I Don’t Want To Live This Life
When I am in crush with someone, when I’m in that delicious getting to know you phase where everything’s sunny and happy and even tramping through the rain with a hangover feels magical and fresh and new, there is always a side of me that is pulling away from the exciting feeling. There’s a bit [...]
Also posted in Relationships 3 Comments
My Wallet’s Too Small For My Fifties And My Diamond Shoes Are Too Tight
It’s difficult to explain exactly what is bugging me at the moment because I don’t want to sound like a big headed bitch. It’s probably best to just throw it out there, as is, no bullshit, and see how it goes. The problem is this: everyone keeps flirting with me. Now, before you roll your [...]
Also posted in Meeting People, Questions 4 Comments
Some Thoughts Upon Watching Pornography At 1am
A few days ago it was 1am and I couldn’t sleep, so having exhausted all my usual options, I decided to watch some porn. I also decided to ‘liveblog the experience’. However, thankfully, between the tonsillitis, some cortisone shots in my hip making me unable to move, and a magical cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics [...]
Also posted in Sexy Times 5 Comments
You’ll Never Miss The Water (Until The Well’s Gone Dry)
Let me set the scene: it’s two weeks ago and I was having a C- grade make out session with a man. The making out seemed rote, almost perfunctory, there was a sense of urgency that seemed impersonal. So as I found myself on my bed, half in, half out of my clothes, legs caught [...]
Also posted in Sexy Times 1 Comment
Burning Bridges
In the summer of 2005 I moved to Mexico and taught a bunch of bratty rich kids English in a school run by a rich hippie. In the absence of a social life I got super into Livejournal and in particular a community called j__rn_l which showed scans of people’s diaries. In awe of their [...]
Also posted in Relationships 4 Comments
Everyone You’ve Ever Slept With
Apparently somewhere in the world there are men who like their women to be virgins. Though I’ve never met any of these men myself, I can in a way see their reasoning. When you date someone they bring their whole world with them, a cavalcade of one night stands, drunken fumbles, and obsessive crushes, not [...]
Also posted in Dates, Multiple Dating, Relationships 2 Comments
Why Don Draper Is My Spirit Animal.
Last night I got stood up. Sparing you the boring details, it meant I found myself in East London, in a pair of platforms and a nice blouse, seething with anger at about 11pm, and with no-one to take it out on. At first I thought I would walk it off, which is my normal [...]
Also posted in Dates, Relationships 3 Comments
An Open Letter To A One Night Stand: Part Two.
Hiya! Me again! Now, I’ll understand if you’re upset after that last letter, I wrote it while I was a bit pissed off with you. It was a heat of the moment kind of thing I guess. If heat of the moment means more than two months later on an otherwise quiet evening in front [...]
Also posted in Online Dating 10 Comments
